“Till death do us part.” Is the promise couples swear before the sacred altar at their wedding. But over time, the marriage becomes unbearable, and now you find it at the brink of collapse. Stop and ask yourself these questions first before you go and set up an appointment with a divorce attorney.
1. Did you ever make your concerns clear with your partner?
Despite being in a relationship for years, some couples are still unable to communicate their feelings pretty well. When their partner has done something that hurt them, they keep it to themselves and try to ignore it. The problem is it builds up inside, and you may explode one day.
Your partner isn’t some psychic who can read minds. Letting your feelings be known if they did something that hurt or upset you is essential because it makes them aware.
Try to stay calm when you try to get your point across to prevent the problem from escalating. Once you’ve made your concern known to your partner, you’d feel like a heavy burden is lifted off of your shoulder.
Remember that good communication is one of the keys to lasting relationships. It allows you to get to know each other better and discover concerns you both have not been able to open up. So ask yourself this question first, because some divorce starts with a “you never really understood me,” issue.
2. Do you have a clear understanding of the role you play in the relationship?
“Stop mothering me!” That is a cliche that we’ve probably heard tons of times, yet we might have never really understood its true meaning.
In a relationship, understanding the role you play is essential. Think of a group project where everyone is assigned their tasks. Without a clear understanding of your role in the group, you would never really know how to start in the first place. Similar to a relationship, if your part is a husband or wife, stop playing the role of a parent.
Sometimes we need to remind our partner of their shortcoming, but don’t overdo it. That will result not only in conflict but also barriers as the other person will tend to feel smothered. Knowing the role you play allows you to set healthy boundaries and take responsibilities associated with it. That will result in a smoother relationship because you both know what is expected of you.
3. Are you better off alone?
Think through if the relationship is worth a second chance. Would you be happier without your other half? Will their absence make you feel better? Do the positive outcomes weigh more than the negative ones if you give up?
When our emotions are all over the place, it’s easier to decide without actually thinking about the consequences. But feelings aside, how do you envision yourself without your partner? Divorce isn’t some game that you can take back after realizing that it’s hard to get by without your significant other. So think about it a thousand times first.
4. Can you still save your marriage?
If there’s a way to save your marriage, would you? That is where your responsibilities come in, that includes your kids. Psychologists say that divorce has adverse effects on children. Some of them harbor grudges against their parents as they grow up, causing them to behave violently around others.
You may try writing down the very reason why you should consider saving your marriage and the possible ways to do it. That may require both you and your partner to do something different to make it work. Making a little sacrifice to keep your family together won’t hurt anyway.
5. Do you still love your other half?
Some people still get divorced even though they still have strong feelings for their partner. The conflict comes from the feeling of being unloved or unvalued. In some instances, divorce may be the right decision, even if you still love the person.
6. How to avoid making the same mistake next time around?
That is an excellent question to ask yourself before jumping right into a new relationship. It means that you are aware of your shortcomings. Dismissing undesirable behavior won’t get you anywhere but to a vicious cycle of marriage and relationship. Before you know, you already find yourself in that same situation.
Understand that sometimes the problem could be you and not the marriage itself. Try getting a better understanding of why your marriage failed by writing the issues you faced in a notebook. Then try to recall your attitude toward the circumstance.
Sometimes it just takes questions worth asking yourself to get a better picture of the situation. Don’t hesitate to ask yourself the same questions until the answers come clear to you.